Weighed, measured, and found AWESOME

From Style Me Pretty
This post is the first time I have gotten a request to write about something specific.

In this case a friend asked me “So when’s your next blog post?”

“I dunno – tomorrow?” (This was yesterday)

“Cool.”

“What do you want it to be about?”

“Overcoming crippling feelings of inadequacy?”

As I mulled that over I was all – shit how am I going to write about that? I don’t feel inadequate – like EVER. Remember, I’ve said before that I suffer from hubris?

But then I started thinking – maybe it’s not that I don’t feel inadequate. Maybe it’s that I just don’t think about it enough and I don’t let whatever feelings I have, prevent me from doing anything.

This resilience comes from a having a relatively rough childhood – when you combine doting parents, gullibility and pudginess – you get a combo that bullies cannot resist. For most of my pre-pubescent life I was ridiculed for my weight, was no where close to the cool kids’ table and was generally a try-hard. But in school I did really well. My grades were high, I kissed-ass like no other and the feedback from teachers was nothing short of glowing. I continued in this vein till now, sometimes succeeding in school, sometimes succeeding socially and now I’ve kind of got a place at work and with friends that I really like.

Still sometimes, when I’m faced with a peer who makes more than me or friends in long-standing, stable relationships – I begin to wonder, what’s wrong with me?

I think it might be that very question, that holds me back. If I’m wondering about what’s wrong with me, or as the Internet defines inadequacy – what’s lacking in quality about me or insufficient or wanting, how can I perform or be present and do whatever it is I need to do? If I constantly think I’m not up to the task or not worthy of something – how will I ever achieve it? That’s self-fulfilling prophecies for you – the eternal annoying as hell chicken and egg situation.

So there isn’t any real solution to overcoming feelings of inadequacy. BUT I think it’s important not to let feelings or perceptions of inadequacy cripple you, especially when you need to perform. I have three suggestions for overcoming this:

1. Be confident in yourself and your abilities by doing the work that is needed to be confident. Basically over prepare. This isn’t my advice, this is from Mindy Kaling.

2. I’m not going to go on this you’re totally adequate and you can do anything rant, because if you were able to convince yourself of that you wouldn’t need this. Instead it’s always helpful to me to imagine that most people are like me and also go through bouts of feeling inadequate and are still generally able to make it in their career, love and life. So you don’t have to beat anyone. You just have to join them.

3. Just do whatever it is that you need to do because what’s the worst thing that could happen? If you’re suffering from nerves before a first day or work or need to make a presentation or need courage to text someone, but think you’re not qualified or a shitty public speaker or not hot enough (OH THE STRUGGLE!), let me just ask, “What’s the worse thing that could happen?” In all these scenarios, you could stumble and mess up and be embarrassed as HELL and it really won’t matter – in the grand scheme of things. So get over yourself and get on with it.

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Leftover Gochujang Paste Salad

Forgive the fuzziness - look at the pearly keeeen wahhh
Forgive the fuzziness – look at the pearly keeeen wahhh
Friends, my blogging has been patchy and I apologize for that. Work has become all-consuming, and funnily enough I’m happy about it.

My Dad, who worked as the head of HR in a very prominent international bank for many years, once told me that he used to tell his staff that if they liked 30% of their job – they were lucky. I like close to 80 to 90% of my job. So I must be very lucky.

It’s not often that you get paid to “sell” or in my case “communicate” a product that you believe in, so very much.

These past few weeks, as things have gotten busier at work, I have found myself getting more tied to my organisation. Each task I had to do, each press release I had to write and each project I had to manage somehow made me more invested in the outcome of how we were being presented in the public. And it’s not because it’s a KPI or goal I have to meet. It’s because I am so proud of the work we are doing.

Science Comms you know? The researchers are passionate geniuses and I’m lucky to be along for the ride.

Ack – just went off on a tangent about work when I’m clearly supposed to be talking about gochujang and food!

So, since I’ve been working hard, it’s left little time for cooking. Or less, anyway.

One weeknight I wanted a fresh healthy salad, but didn’t want my protein to be that regular grilled chicken with garlic and lemon I eat ALLTHEDAMNTIME. I realized I had gochujang in the fridge (leftover from my last bibimbap-making frenzy). Why does that matter you ask? WELL, gochujang is a fabulous marinade for chicken.

So that same night, after a hard day’s work, I slathered two tablespoons of gochujang on one chicken thigh and stuck it in the fridge to marinade while I ran my 5K.

When I came back – I popped it in the oven for 30 mins (flipping it once in the middle) at 200 degrees and it was gorgeous. I served it with cooked quinoa, chopped cucumber, diced red peppers and mixed salad leaves drizzled with this Asian-y salad dressing.

This baby can keep you going strong for all them working hours. Like it did me 🙂

Working on Weekends

I don't got time to WORK over the weekend!
I don’t got time to WORK over the weekend!
I’ve got this friend, Gina, who loves her work. She loves what she does and sometimes works on weekends.

I’m guessing she does this because:
A) She has stuff she can’t get done during the week.
B) She works in theater related stuff so performances are sometimes on weekends = no choice.
C) See the first paragraph above.

I do NOT work on weekends. I really don’t like to do it and it makes me feel like I’m giving up my precious free time.

This is not because I hate my work. I love the work I do. I don’t know it has to do a bit with how I like to really switch off on weekends on go into this whole other WEEKENDDINI mode.

But lately I’ve been feeling that when I get back to work on Monday I’m disoriented, unprepared and just not ready for the week – both in terms of being organized and just being mentally there.

So two weekends ago I came home with two work tasks. The first was to transcribe an interview and the second was to finish a draft of the press release.

First one got done – second one DID not.

Last weekend, I had all these good intentions, I had been working on a press release that was just not there and I HAD to finish it.

But when the weekend came, I just didn’t want to do it.

I knew I could get it done at work.

Then I thought, maybe I’m approaching it the wrong way.

Maybe instead of doing work over the weekend, I could prepare myself for the work-week ahead.

Whatever was bothering me the week before or that I had difficulties with, I could address it.

I decided to try keeping 3 mantras or resolutions in mind for the week ahead. So that I could have a bit of a guide for the next week.

For example they could be:
1. Proofread everything by reading it out loud
2. Give 100% at work
3. Smile more at people in the hallways

WHATEVER.

And so, I had my 3 mantra-lutions, not the ones above because mine are personal, and I found the week better. Monday didn’t seem so blue and I was more able to deal better, with everything that came my way.

I’m hoping this is the start of something positive but man, maybe that’s really all the work I need to do over a weekend.