“We are all, as Byron put it, differently organized. We each move within the restraints of our temperament and live up only partially to its possibilities.” – Kay Redfield Jamison
I suffer from what I like to call an unquiet mind. Which is also, coincidentally, the title of the book from which the quote above is taken.
It is an affliction that renders me unable to:
- interact with people without assessing their (and my) ulterior motives
- make a decision without obsessing about the effect about my future (this includes whether or not I eat a chocolate-almond croissant for breakfast)
- watch any movie without analyzing why and who it was made for (as as result I can never actually tell you if a movie was “good or not” because IT’S ALL RELATIVE)
- exist in this moment – here and now
So everyday, I go round and round and round. Interaction after interaction, moment after moment, is felt, processed, and imprinted.
There are times when this feeling of living inside my head is all-consuming and there are times when it’s closer to the surface, manageable, even.
This past month I spent a lot of time living in my head. My loved ones, tolerated this, because see: Love.
When I surfaced from this period of self-absorption and indulgence and sent the, “I’ve sorry I’ve been a douchebag,” message to my closest friends, I realized that everyone around me was also dealing with their own restlessness and disquiet. Their own demons.
And it hit me that sometimes the key to finding peace might not come from within. I think it might lie in realizing that you are not alone and also that someone else might need you.
That simple act of empathy and then if you can find it within yourself, grace and kindness, might free you.
And if that doesn’t work there’s always chocolate.