Existential Crisis #1,000,001

"Crap on our coffee table" - a piece by the very talented Melissa
“Crap on our coffee table” – a piece by the very talented Melissa

Recently I’ve felt this restlessness rising in me – and rising – almost as though I’m going to choke on it.

Woah. Just got semi-poetic there.

It’s probably a result of having spent my childhood moving from country to country. In the past, this restlessness has manifested itself by causing me to – chop all my hair off, quit my job, work out a lot AKA become REALLY skinny and/or start new activities.

Well, I suppose I already chopped off my hair in the most extreme fashion last year. I also love my job. Even though I sometimes wonder if I’m really the best person for it or whether I could be doing better. My girlfriends all tell me I suffer from impostor syndrome, which is apparently a very common affliction for many professional women. But, you know, what if I AM, actually, just, incompetent?

No, that can’t be right.

Well, I already work out a decent amount. Like I run a bit and do some Insanity and core exercises. And I’m really trying to get away from this whole, I gotta look hot, coz I gotta look hot, coz you know, I gotta look hot.

So that leaves me with, new activities. Hmm. So far I’m trying to decide between starting a new yoga class, joining a beginner’s hip-hop class or volunteering my time to help like… people. Oh and figure out a way to practice my Spanish because – I think that my comprendo-ing, isn’t doing too well.

While I try and figure out which one to do (I have a feeling it’s going to be all), I really wonder, do these feelings stem from the fact that I feel I need change in my life? Or is it a result of trying to fill a void?

Are there any guarantees that once I’ve got the dream job, partner, life, whatever, that I still won’t keep wanting something different?

Will the restlessness continue to haunt me, like Juliet Binoche’s character in Chocolat?

Good movie. Mmm… chocolate. IWANTACOOKIE.

But I digress.

Are these feelings of restlessness something that I should always be trying to resolve? Should I maybe just learn to sit with them, and maybe just maybe, they might just pass?

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