Recently I have been feeling like I’m not enjoying being a grown-up.
Part of this has to do with the fact that I just paid my taxes (I know man, IRAS came after me super late).
THEN I bought some pretty pricey life and medical insurance.
I got my first bonus at my new job – and was reminded that I really should be working harder.
And a bunch of other stuff that I promise is equally adult-worthy.
For some reason all these things that have happened, which are really positive (except maybe paying my taxes), have made me feel like there’s a weight on me.
Whenever I make a decision at work now, I feel like I over-think every single thing – because every outcome matters. Each press release seems that much more crucial and each new idea I have needs to GETOUTTHERERIGHTNOW.
The same goes for friends, family and god – even my health. I mean, did I need to eat that ginger-chocolate cookie after lunch? It was delicious, but my metabolism is slowing down and I definitely have a food baby in my lower belly at all times now.
So even the act of eating that cookie is loaded. Did I make the right decision. I mean should I just YOLO or consider the implications of my cookie in terms of diabetes and heart disease?
The thing is I know that decisions, big and small are going to keep coming to me hard and fast. Maybe they always have.
But as an adult now, in charge of my own destiny, I truly feel the weight of each decision I make. I agonize after I’ve made a decision and wonder if it’s right.
Which has led me to realize. I will probably get it “right” and “wrong” and maybe sometimes it wont even be that cut and dry.
But I have to learn how to let go and also live with each decision I make.
Like I said. I kinda don’t wanna be an adult anymore.